There are just some sexual experiences that are so universally desirable they’re on just about everyone’s personal bucket list, and orgasming simultaneously with your partner for sure top that list. Everyone loves the idea of reaching their big finish at the same time their partner reaches theirs and then ascending into bliss together. After all, it’s the ultimate sexual bonding experience.
But how feasible are simultaneous orgasms? How can people who are truly interested in simultaneous orgasms increase their chances of experiencing them? Here’s a closer look at everything you need to know to make this particular sweet dream come true.
1. Don’t overthink it
Chances are you already know that one of the most effective ways to make having an orgasm harder is to focus on it to the exclusion of all else. So hopefully it goes without saying that the last thing you want to do is put a simultaneous big O on a pedestal as the be-all and end-all of any sexual experience.
Instead, focus on each other and on having a beautiful, connected experience that is good whether you orgasm simultaneously (or at all). Orgasms of any kind should always be thought of as a bonus prize, anyway – not the sole reason for getting it on at all.
2. Know what does it for each of you
Hopefully, you already have some idea what the best, surest path to orgasm is for you. Maybe it’s direct clitoral stimulation, G-spot play, or a little well-timed nipple stimulation. Or perhaps you enjoy yourself most when there’s at least a small toy like a vibrator involved. Sharing this information with your partner and asking for what you need is a must, of course.
But so is getting in touch with what really maximizes your partner’s chances of having an orgasm themselves. What really turns them on? What types of touch do they enjoy most? If you don’t know, ask. Be prepared to listen to the answers without judgment and put what you know into practice, as well.
3. Play with toys together
One of the easiest, most reliable ways for anyone to orgasm more consistently is to start using a sex toy like a vibrator to help them get where they need to be. A toy can also help close any gaps between you as far as how long it typically takes for each person to reach orgasm.
What type of toy you try is entirely up to you, but certain options – like vibrating bullets – are designed to be stimulating and approachable for anyone, regardless of their anatomy. There are also many toys out there explicitly designed with couples in mind. Think vibrating cock rings, wearable horseshoe vibes, and more! Experiment with some different options until you find a few that work well for you.
4. Make sure you’re using lube
It’s impossible to oversell the effectiveness of lube when it comes to getting what you really want out of your sexual experiences, including when it comes to orgasm. Yes, lube can help make up the difference for Mother Nature when it comes to smoothing the way. But it also noticeably heightens sensation, so don’t wait until you feel you need it to try it.
There are lots of different types of lubes out there, too – each with its own unique perks and benefits it brings to the table. Don’t be afraid to experiment with warming or cooling lubes, extra pillowy formulas, scented or flavored varieties, etc.
5. Practice syncing up with your partner
The secret to mind-blowing, fairly frequent simultaneous orgasms is a willingness to get into sync with your partner and keep things that way. Everyone is going to be working with their own timetable as far as how long it usually takes them to get there. Becoming more tuned in to your partner’s needs and typical responses can help make syncing up easier.
But even the best dialed-in couples still sometimes need to make adjustments if they want a simultaneous O. So, communicate. If one of you is getting too close to the finish line, focus on the other’s pleasure for a bit to help them catch up and vice versa. You’re a lot more likely to arrive at the same time.
Simultaneous orgasms are like anything else worth doing in that practice really does make perfect. So don’t sweat it if the two of you aren’t experts right off the bat. And don’t worry about it if it takes a while to hit your stride.
Remember, the best way to have consistently incredible sex is to focus on the connection to your partner first and any orgasms that might be had (simultaneous or otherwise) second. Being willing to just lose yourself in the experience and let it be what it will, can help a lot.