Using a Sex Toy Together

What’s the Best Way to Ask Your Partner to Try Using a Sex Toy Together?

By now, you no doubt know that sex toys aren’t just for singles anymore. Adding a toy or two to the sexual routine you share with a partner can be a great way to put some jazz hands on your sex life. It takes the pressure off both of you when it comes to having an orgasm (or making sure your partner does). Toys can help keep your routine from getting stale, too.

But knowing you think a toy could work wonders for your sex life is one thing. Opening the topic up for conversation is another. How do all those toy-loving couples out there do it? By using techniques like the following, of course.

Frame your request with positivity

When people are nervous about the idea of asking a partner to use a toy with them in bed, it’s typically because they’re worried the person will take offense to it somehow. What if they take it as a critique on their performance or start worrying that they’re not enough as they are? How can you ensure they take your request as you mean it – a fun suggestion for making your already-awesome sex life even better?

Framing what you want as a fun, lighthearted request and not a complaint can help a lot. Avoid prefacing your request with a negative – like an observation about a routine that’s gone stale or a dry spell you’ve been going through. Instead, lead with a positive about your sex life. Follow up with a simple question about whether they’ve ever thought about using a toy together. Then close with a lighthearted statement about how much you’d love to give it a try sometime.

Have an honest conversation together

Once the ice is broken and the subject is on the table, the hardest part is over with. Now all you need to do is keep the conversation flowing and talk things out together, which ought to be a lot easier. Start by discussing your feelings about toys and candidly sharing any emotions you might be feeling about the possibility.

Are you so excited about the possibility that you can barely see straight? Say so. Is part of you nervous about something – perhaps the type of toy you’re most eager to try? Say that, as well. Encourage your partner to chime in with their own feelings, and then talk things out together.

Be open to compromise

Even if it’s tough or you feel bashful about it, it’s important to be direct when it comes to explaining what you want to your partner. Remember, this conversation is supposed to be about introducing a new element into your shared sex life that could be beneficial and fun for both of you. You’ll get more out of it if you’re clear and honest about what you’re really interested in trying.

But it’s also important to be open to compromise. Ask for what you want in no uncertain terms, and follow up by asking your partner what they think about what you’ve said. This opens things up to the possibility of compromise. If your partner doesn’t like something about what you asked for, they can say so. And if they want to add something to it or make another suggestion, they can do that, too. The idea is to come up with a plan that you’re both excited about putting into play.

Consider shopping for a toy together

Although there’s nothing wrong with bringing a toy you already have into the bedroom to try with your partner, many couples find they enjoy the process of picking something new out together. Shopping for a sex toy together helps get a frank, open, sexy line of conversation flowing – something that can easily be turned into an ongoing habit with practice. It also helps build intimacy and heighten anticipation.

How you two go about it is up to you, but do consider shopping for that first toy together. You can make a date to meet up at a traditional sex shop to peruse your options. But if either of you is a little gun-shy about buying a toy in person, you can log onto your favorite online sex shop anytime the two of you have a moment instead. Choose a couple of items you like the looks of, complete your purchase, then start counting the days until your new goodies arrive.

Ultimately, the best way to bring up a difficult (but potentially rewarding) topic of conversation with a partner is to just dive right in and go for it. Be direct, but be respectful of your partner’s feelings and boundaries, as well. The idea is to deepen your connection and take the intimacy you share together to an entirely new level.

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