There are two types of long-time couples in this world. The first kind has red hot, world-melting sex even though they’ve been together for years, and the second kind fantasizes relentlessly about becoming the first kind. Contrary to what some might believe, an incredible sex life well beyond the honeymoon period of a relationship is the result of more than just blind luck.
The kind of connection and approach to relationships that support a lifetime of amazing sex is totally learnable. It’s simply a matter of understanding what couples who have it do differently from everyone else. Here’s a look at some prime examples.
1. They don’t over-focus on orgasm
No one’s arguing that orgasms are incredible and well worth having. But who ever said having one should be what makes or breaks a sexual encounter? Couples who have fantastic sex love orgasms as much as anyone else, but reaching that big finish is far from the sole reason for having sex in the first place.
For them, it’s all about connecting and simply enjoying the entire experience for everything that it is. They believe in savoring every moment and taking their time, not rushing to the orgasmic finish line as quickly as possible.
2. They define sex flexibly
Ask most couples what counts to them as sex, and they’ll likely say it’s penetrative intercourse, full stop. Sure, they probably love doing other things together as well, but their actual definition of sex is pretty narrow. The hottest, most sexually satisfied couples don’t think this way.
Sex is about exploration and connection for them, so they enjoy a wide variety of activities, including oral sex and mutual masturbation. They also tend to reject the notion that they need to have sex a certain number of times in a week or a month. Instead, they go with the flow, focus on what feels right, and stop worrying about the rest.
3. They treat sex like a priority
No two parties in a couple will be precisely alike regarding their sex drives, regardless of how much they love each other or how well-matched they are. There will always be one person with a higher sex drive, times when one or both parties just aren’t in the mood due to scheduling issues, and so forth.
They deal with those circumstances by treating sex like a top priority despite the circumstances. They know that the best way to manage mismatched libidos and schedules is to make time for sex, just as they would anything else important. Scheduling sex dates as needed gives both people time to prepare, anticipate what’s going to happen, and get into the right headspace for pleasure.
4. They know their stuff
When you’re really into something and committed to becoming as good at it as possible, you welcome opportunities to learn as much as possible about it, right? Well, couples who have consistently great sex just so happen to approach sex this way, as well.
The phrase “knowledge is power” has never been truer than when you’re talking about sex. Great sex requires a working knowledge of the body’s erogenous zones, ideal ways to stimulate a partner’s unique anatomy, how to approach foreplay, and so much more. So, if you want to increase the quality of your sex pretty much overnight, start studying.
5. They don’t judge each other
Even the kinkiest, most sexually open-minded person has boundaries, limits, and turn-offs when it comes to their sex life. But people who also want to have the best, most satisfying sex possible are willing to push their limits when they’re comfortable doing so, and they never judge their partners for anything they may enjoy or fantasize about.
Being able to listen and communicate without judgment is an essential part of having an incredible sex life with a partner. So is learning not to judge yourself for anything you might find sexy or erotic.
6. They’re open to using tools
The days when people thought of options like lube and sex toys as strictly for people who absolutely need them to have a good time are mostly over. But many couples still haven’t explored those things to the extent they should, so you’ll want to consider changing that if you’re serious about upgrading your sex life.
Sex tools and accessories – especially toys – can take the guesswork out of getting enough stimulation and bring some fantastic new sensations to the table for both of you. They’re a great way to build intimacy, aid arousal, and keep sex exciting and interesting over the long haul, as well.
Ultimately, your sex life is what you make of it, and a little dedication goes a really long way. Never be afraid to explore new options, and always make your intimate life a priority. You’ll both be glad you did.