If you’re a parent, then it goes without saying that you love your kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world. But it’s also only natural to be wondering how (and when) you’ll ever be able to get the rest of your life back on track, especially if you’re brand new to parenthood.
This goes double for couples who have trouble making their sex life a priority in the face of everything else they’ve got on their plates. One’s intimate connection with a spouse is a huge part of what keeps a person sane when life becomes hectic and stressful, and sex is a massive part of that. Here are some pointers for getting sex back on track after kids.
Spend time without the kids
Naturally, this isn’t going to be easy for people with big families or new babies, but it’s super important that every couple make it a priority regardless. And the time set aside doesn’t necessarily need to be all about having sex (although it certainly can be, if that’s what you both want). It does need to be as regular as possible, though.
Arrange for a babysitter to look after the kids once a week so you and your partner can enjoy a romantic dinner out or engage in a favorite pastime you’ve always enjoyed doing together. Log some couch time after the kids are in bed for the evening and spend it catching up on a favorite show. It doesn’t much matter what you do, as long as you’re doing it just the two of you.
Seize opportunities when they come
Even when life is crazy busy, because of kids or any other reason, there are more opportunities to connect with your partner on a deeper level than you might think. You just need to learn how to spot them and then take advantage of them when you can. In other words, be spontaneous and open to living in the moment.
Keep in mind that ways to connect don’t always need to be about lengthy, penetrative, naked sex. Deep kisses or flirty squeezes on one’s way out the door can work wonders, as can the occasional flirty text message or sexy selfie. So can a hot and dirty quickie or a blow job when you’ve only got a small pocket of time to spare.
Commit to experimenting in the bedroom
It’s not always a lack of time and opportunity that keeps couples with children from having the sex lives they’d really like to be having. Stress, body image issues, age, and similar factors related to parenthood can make it harder to let go and give yourself over to the experience on the same level you used to. Sexual ruts and routines that have gotten stale can also be issues.
But making it a point to experiment, explore, and keep things super fresh can help struggling couples get over the hump. Try making a sexual bucket list, filling it with things you’ve both always wanted to try, and deliberately scratching one thing off the list once a month or every couple of weeks.
Looking for a great way to remind yourself to experiment regularly? Try signing up for a sexy subscription box from a service like Seductive Pleasure Box. For one low subscription price, you can look forward to an expert-curated box filled with fun toys and products showing up on your doorstep once a month. All you need to do is open it up, get excited, and get inspired.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
When parents feel overwhelmed, especially when they’re new parents, it’s much too easy to wind up taking frustrations out on a partner – especially when it comes to sex. Compassion and communication are the keys to seeing your way through situations like that.
For example, moms often wind up bearing the brunt of the childcare responsibilities, become overwhelmed, and feel like they’re not understood by dads who are eager to get back to business regarding sex after kids. Meanwhile, dads can feel rejected, judged, and like they no longer occupy the same level of importance in their partners’ lives.
Prevent misunderstandings and defuse tensions before they start by communicating and talking often. Make it a particular point to talk about any sexual urges, feelings, and desires (or lack thereof) you may each be feeling. Listen to one another, and work toward finding solutions together that you both like the sounds of.
At the end of the day, getting your sex life back on track after kids is simply part of finding balance again. However, while it’s challenging, it’s not impossible. Just focus on honoring each other, honoring the beautiful family you’re building together, and falling into a new pattern that suits everyone involved.
